From Porn to Hope - the Redemption Story of Crissy Moran Outlaw

On Sunday, September 22, 2013 we had the privilege of hosting Crissy Moran Outlaw at our church. Her story is one of redemption.

Before we gathered , I had sent Crissy a list of some of the questions I would ask during our gathering. Here are her responses:

Tell us about your childhood. . .

I grew up in Jacksonville and lived here until my early twenties when I entered the porn industry.  I was a very shy as child.  So shy that when I was a little girl and people would talk to me I would hide behind my mom. Even in high school I would rather take an "F" than stand in front of the class and speak!

I lived with my mom and dad until I was around 11 years old when they divorced.  It was very difficult for me, my mom and my brother because my dad was an abusive alcoholic.  I was actually happy they divorced because it was so chaotic at home.  However, while my parents were still together, and I was just 11 years old, I decided to follow Jesus and I was baptized shortly after.

My dad would drink and yet, still teach the Bible to us. It was very confusing to me.

I was sexually abused by a man in our neighborhood when I was just 4 years old.  Throughout my childhood it seemed I attracted older men who looked at me in perverted ways and boys who would try to have sex with me. My dad had an obsession with my sexuality and would always tell me I would stay a virgin until I got married. He would brag about that to all his drunk friends.

I was very confused about sex and religion but I think God gave me a strong sense of discernment so I when my dad would talk about things that seemed a little off I would know it.   

My mom was very protective of my brother and I during their marriage.  After my mom remarried I moved in with her and our family dynamic changed.

Tell us about your teenage years. . .

I was very introverted and didn't feel I got the attention I wanted or needed and felt very isolated, depressed and alone. I realized in high school that having a boyfriend gave me validation and filled the empty void in my heart. I became sexually active with my new boyfriend and became pregnant the summer before my senior year in high school. I was actually excited to start a family of my own. Though my boyfriend had always said he'd marry me if I became pregnant, when it happened, he decided not to marry me and took me to have an abortion.  That was one of the most traumatic things to ever happen in my life.

In high school I tried to fit in with others and had friends at different points but after I had the abortion it got around school and it seemed that during my senior year of high school, I had no friends. My dad disappeared for years at a time and I wouldn't hear from him. I didn't feel stable and spent a lot of time daydreaming, listening to music in my room and being rebellious towards my mom and stepdad.

What would you say to teenage girls today?

Don't put all of your value into what boys think about you.  You don't have to have a boyfriend to be worthy of love.

How did you end up in the porn industry?

Because I felt I needed a boyfriend to prove my worth I went to extreme measures like online dating and traveling to meet men in other states.  I put myself in a lot of danger and was taken advantage of more than once. From the online dating sites I was led to amateur modeling sites and I put my pictures up on one sites and received tons of emails offering to pay me to do porn.  After a really bad breakup I felt worthless and that is when I did my first photo shoot.

It seems it was like once you were drawn into the industry, it was a whirlwind.

 It WAS a whirlwind. The fact that people thought I was good enough that they would pay to shoot me filled the same empty place in my heart that the men did. I was an empty shell.

Porn is a multi-billion dollar a year industry. It’s growing. From your perspective, what has been the biggest reason for recent growth in the industry?

The internet and mobile devices make it so easily accessible.

Our month-long series here at First Baptist is called “Redemption Stories” and yours is still being written. What would you say to young women who are not having their heart question answered, maybe dealing with tough home lives, looking for love, etc?

Well, for me, I was looking for love in all the wrong places. Don't do what I did. Keep your dignity. The reason I share my story is in hopes that it will help steer others away from these things. That empty places in your heart was intended to be filled by Jesus and nothing else will satisfy you more. It says in the Bible that you will find HIM when you seek HIM with ALL of you heart.  Trust me nothing is better.

What would you say to men?

Porn is a fantasy. Even the women doing porn don't necessarily enjoy it. A lot of times they are being abused and abusing their own bodies just  to sell the lie. I hope that my story will make you see the girl, not as an object, but as a real woman with a heartbeat just like me.