Thirty Years Later: “True Love Waits” and Purity Culture

True Love Waits National Rally - July 1994 (Photo by Baptist Press)

Thirty years ago an event occurred that shifted how evangelical Christians talked about sex in America. As a young youth pastor, I was introduced to a new curriculum produced by the Baptist Sunday School Board (now known as LifeWay) titled “Christian Sex Education.” The age-appropriate books were presented to students in my seminary classes by representatives from the publishing house along with affirmations by professors of childhood and student education. Apparently, this was a somewhat radical. To create biblically sound curriculum items for preschoolers, children, and teenagers related to sex education was outside the norm.

In an era where the Sunday School Board was expected to simply publish Bible Book Study and Life and Work Sunday morning curriculum, Vacation Bible School material, and eventually some 13-week studies like Experiencing God, how did this Christian Sex Education concept move beyond idea to reality?

The sexual revolution of the 1960s had shifted conversations in America. In the early 1990s, news reports of apparent increased sexual activity among young people, heightened numbers of STDs, teen pregnancies, and the introduction of AIDS and HIV to the cultural lexicon frightened many parents and thus, as is often the case, the church reacted.

The reaction, or response perhaps, was to help Christian parents discover ways to have conversations about the subject of human sexuality with their children that were helpful, true, and ultimately God-honoring. Most adults within our churches at the time would admit that the “sex talk” they had with their own parents was either non-existent or lacking. Thus, the realization that someone (perhaps other children or teenagers, movies or television, celebrities, or even teachers in health class) were having these explicit conversations with their children moved Christian parents to a place of readiness to receive such help.

In the years that followed, what can only be called a movement among American evangelicals emerged. Richard Ross and other Southern Baptist student leaders developed what became known as “True Love Waits” and suddenly the conversation about sexual abstinence was affirmed and allowed in our churches and homes.

Here at First Baptist Church, we joined the movement. I remember partnering with youth pastors from other churches in our area as we hosted a “True Love Waits Rally” at the Orange Park High School Raider Dome. We had hundreds of teenagers from area churches of all denominations in attendance, athletes from the University of Florida speaking, a band from Lakeland called The Attic Band featuring members who would eventually become MercyMe, and evangelists and pastors preaching the gospel of Christ and declaring that God’s design for sex was within the bounds of marriage (we did not have to declare that was between man and woman only at the time) and that purity was good and sexual abstinence was right.

Students signed “True Love Waits” cards and they were gathered and eventually placed on the Mall in Washington DC for a national rally affirming sexual abstinence. The image of the more than 200,000 cards on display was amazing.

In the years following, there were compilation CDs featuring Christian artists focused on the theme of “True Love Waits.” The signed commitment cards were transferred to the Georgia Dome and more were added as they were to be stacked on top of each other to eventually go “Thru the Roof” (that was the rally theme) of the Dome.

True Love Waits Thru the Roof (Treat Yo Self Vintage Clothing)

We hosted a LifeWay sponsored “True Love Waits” concert at our church featuring speakers and Christian artists.

We, along with many other churches, had “purity ring” ceremonies for teenagers.

DiscipleNow Weekends were themed around love and relationships.

Suddenly, the sex talk was not ignored among Christian families.

Now, thirty years later, it seems a shift has occurred. The sexual revolution of the 1960s has been followed by the moral revolution of recent decades. The natural next step fueling this moral revolution has been the affirmation of LGBTQ+ lifestyles, legalization of gay marriage, the confusion between sex and gender, transgenderism, and more.

And, apparently “True Love Waits” and what has been deemed “purity culture” of the American church is considered backward, sex shaming, ineffective, a “Handmaid’s Tale” narrative, and by some…evil.

A simple search online leads to articles and books that demean what is called “purity culture.” I have read a few and to be honest, some of the concerns and problems revealed are true. Nevertheless, I do not believe introducing conversations with Christian families about sexual abstinence and sexual purity was wrong. I do not believe the personal pledge that students were provided through “True Love Waits” was bad.

However, hindsight being what it is, we now know that many simply signed a card because they were told to do so, not ever having a biblically-grounded conversation about personal holiness. In some, if not many cases, the conversations and presentations were simply a sexual abstinence version of the “Just Say No” movement to keep kids off drugs.

This was never enough.

Many Christian parents remained silent when it came to this subject in the home, simply allowing the 20-something youth minister to have these conversations with their children.

Some misheard the conversations or were given wrongly focused ones. At no point was the message to be “sex is bad” but just the opposite, with conditions. The intended message as Richard Ross stated was truly, “We think sex is wonderful, and we think it belongs in marriage.”[1]

Of course, now we have to define what biblical marriage is.

One of the biggest challenges to the purity movement in our churches at the time was how young girls were treated or perceived to be treated. For some, young girls were considered only of value if they remained virgins and “pure.”[2] That may not have been the intent from leaders, but as it often said, perception is reality. In some cases, sadly, this actually was reality. Looking back, it does seem the message to young women was packaged much differently than for young men.

“True Love Waits” and sexual abstinence seemed odd thirty-years ago to many outside the church. That is one of the reasons the national media covered the event in Washington DC and such events gained notoriety. Today, many outside the church looking back see the movement as not only odd, but destructive. The movement was catalytic for many states passing laws allowing abstinence-only sex education in the public schools. Those laws remain on the books and for some, the “foolishness of such teaching” is viewed as antiquated and oppressive.

So, what ever happened to Christian sex education? Are parents having “the talk” with their children more regularly now than in the past? Probably not. Some avoid the conversations due to their own biographies and feelings of hypocrisy. Others because it just “feels awkward.” Sadly, with many children and teenagers having access to tablets, phones, and on-demand streaming, sexually explicit content is everywhere. Thus, conversations are happening all the time and influencers may have more impact upon our children than we realize. If not a Reel, Short, or TikTok, then even a quick glance at what was supposed to be a celebration opening the Olympic games this year thrust many families into conversations about drag queens, transgender imagery, sex, and religion.

Do we need to sign some cards again and send them to DC? Maybe not. However, we must be equipped to have biblically grounded conversations about EVERYTHING with our children. In a world full of many, loud voices, are we hearing the still, small one?

One of our Milestone Moments for families is a training and conversation starter related to sexual purity. It is certainly more expansive than simply providing a “True Love Waits” card and having a purity ring ceremony. Yet, it will include the principles students pledged three decades ago as well as provide gospel-centered resources for understanding what holy sexuality truly is. Our milestone moments are listed here with scheduled events provided on our church calendar here. 

As for that thirty-year-old “True Love Waits” pledge…I still believe what it stated is right:

“Believing that true love waits, I make a commitment to God, myself, my family, those I date, my future mate and my future children to be sexually pure from today until the day I enter a covenant marriage relationship.”

Holy sexuality is more than signing a card and certainly not affirmation of sin shaming. We must be clear, loving, and gracious, as we focus on God’s call for his children to be holy.

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[1] McKay, Magnolia. “30 Years Later, the Evangelical Purity Movement Still Impacts U.S. Sex Education.” NPR, NPR, 31 July 2024, www.npr.org/2024/07/31/nx-s1-5051722-e1/30-years-later-the-evangelical-purity-movement-still-impacts-u-s-sex-education.

[2] Klein, Linda Kay. Pure: Inside the Evangelical Movement That Shamed a Generation of Young Women and How I Broke Free (New York: Simon & Schuster, 2018), 76.